Gain and Loss: A Reflection on my Weight Journey in 2016

So, I'll try not to flood this with pictures of myself. Because honestly, I can't really tell the difference in pictures. In fact, I still look in the mirror most times and still see myself as an overweight young teen girl trying to hide her insecurities in food and seclusion.

All approximate weights....for the record I'm barely 5' 2"

Growing up I was always the girl my family would describe to others as "smart" and "witty" and they'd list my accomplishments. And I know that on the surface that seems great, they would talk about me for more than external appearances. But behind the scenes there were always blatant or passive ways of them letting me know how I was unacceptable because of my weight.

When the doors were closed and others weren't around I was always lectured about my eating patterns or choices, I was passive aggressively berated for my clothing options, "encouragement" to work out was directed at my weight loss not about feeling better, I was exposed to movies and shows about food and obesity, I was taken to weight watchers meetings to "hold purses" and maybe "take note", my tee shirt order forms were always marked XL even after I turned them in with a checkmark on L....it was always there.

Now, I don't blame my family at all. They really do care and, honestly, with the health issues that run in my family, it was important for me to take notice and care about it. But if there's anything we learn, it's that when the berating and negative pushing stops and the positive encouragement begins, that's when changes start.



I can't tell you that I'm in love with my self and the face of body acceptance and positivity, I can't tell you that I found a method that will always work for me and that I've been on a steady decline in weight, I can't tell you that I buy clothes with confidence or dress confidently all the time.

What I can tell you is that it took living by myself and controlling my food purchases to see a change. It took trial and error, waves of liking things and then not-liking them, trying a million different ways of exercising....it's what's good for me and I know that I'm always going to be looking at it.

Hiking was one of my 2016 New Years Resolutions I stuck too. January 3rd was my first hike...a mile and half, and I was beat. But sticking too it got me to my 6-8 mile minimum for regular endurance hikes.

It's so cliche, really, the whole "find what works for you and do it", but it's cliche because it's true. For some people a weight loss program works, for others cutting out large groups of food works, or some people work out on a near religious basis.

But no matter what there's the basics in every way of health that work.

1. Drinking a crap ton of water every day
2. Meal planning/awareness
3. Accountability to a person, app, group of people...etc.
4. Exercise on a regular basis

I do admit, I take medications for my anxiety and depression which affect my appetite and weight fluctuation. In fact, this last autumn, I was eating pretty poorly (started drinking soda again, became drive thru dependent, eating out to "treat" myself...a little too often). I even went nearly 3 whole weekends without hiking. 

The weight came back fast but I took notice immediately and got back to hiking, walking, cutting back on soda/sugary drinks, making my breakfast at home, drinking milk alternatives...the whole shebang that I use to get me back. The key was grocery shopping and packing my lunch, staying active throughout the day (which is actually really hard when you have a desk job), and taking time to make the healthy choices when you do pick up food. 

Cats bc I didn't wear makeup this day, and to this day I'm actually lower than this. But 153 is my average right now.

I have a step counter watch, I track my measurements with a scale and the Apple Health app, I had to stop counting calories, MyFitnessPal, though working for some, was becoming a scary obsession that I had to cut from my life before it became unhealthy. 

This'll be a regularly occurring theme of posts on my blog.