The A.D.H.D. Chronicles: Talk Therapy

I battle with severe depression and anxiety. Hard to tell by my bubbly extroverted demeanor, huh?

Don't worry, I get it all the time. See the thing is, I use my external overtly-positive and outgoing personality as a cover-up. Now, that's not to say it isn't genuine in any way, but it's more along the lines of, I perpetually feel incomplete as a person on the inside. There's harsh waves of unworthiness, incompatibility, inability to "be enough"....it's there all the time.

In fact, I'll put it this way, very few people actually know who I am and my quirks, behavior, thought patterns, and daily functioning. And again, there is no disingenuous factor to that or to who I am with most people, I'm just very closed off about my "dark side"...though I wouldn't call it a "dark" side so much as a "gray shadow".

I will say that I have found various forms of coping. Journaling, symptom tracking, medication, and the titular mechanism- talk therapy.




Attending my Intensive Outpatient Program last fall, I was required to have one-on-one sessions with a licensed therapist outside of group sessions. This therapist was really sweet and kind. Overall I felt she understood and helped me with my plights. She was extremely intelligent and very in-tuned to my understanding and awareness of the terms and theories regarding therapy and psychology.

I appreciated that very much.

But I got to the point where I really didn't have much to say. I began learning to communicate my emotions, thoughts, experiences with my loved ones in my very close circle. Slowly, I began having more breakthroughs with my loved ones than my therapist, just like in therapy towards the end of program I began having more breakthroughs with individual or smaller intimate groups than larger groups.

Moderation is key in everything. I realized that I was stagnant with talk therapy and to continue approaching other methods of coping.

In fact, I'm a firm believer that in order to maintain progress, you have to switch things up. You can only go so far doing the same thing for so long. that's why I'm working on finding other methods...possibly through my blogging or creative work, that's allowing me to express myself and work mentally in ways that I wasn't being challenged before.

Surely one day I'll go back to talk therapy, probably sooner than later. Trying things and knowing what works for you depending on your current situation is extremely important to staying true to yourself while also building your character and self worth.