By goodness, there's an outpouring of love for you today. As much as I want to join the crowds and virtually scream "Why did you leave us? 2016 is the worst!", and I have, I'm gonna level with you right now.
There's a million articles right now mentioning your mental health battles with bipolar and your blunt honesty about dealing with mental illness. And it's great that they're talking about it, but I'm still wary about their stabilization of the stigma.
Your mental health column in the Guardian is what gave me a refreshed new life and perspective when it came to having a mental illness. Especially this last one you did.
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| "We have been given a challenging illness, and there is no other option than to meet those challenges. Think of it as an opportunity to be heroic" - Carrie Fisher on having Bi-Polar Disorder |
Today wasn't a good mental day for me. Actually, the last weekend was. It's been one of my first significant bouts of depression since this summer/early fall. You know the kind, the depression that sneaks up on you in little waves here and there before all consuming you entirely. Just the thought of turning around in your chair is exhausting and mentally it's a war just to hold a conversation with someone.
It's one of those kinds of days...weekends...bouts. Whatever you may call it.
And your passing didn't help it by any means. You were gone way too soon. There was so much more to do. You're supposed to be here for Billie's blossoming career and she was supposed to honor you at SAG just like you did for your mom a few years ago. You were supposed to be confusing the hell out of everyone on twitter with your emoji language that took patience and time to decipher and Gary needs someone to laugh and cuddle with him and his dumb tongue.
I'm seriously going to miss your honesty more than anything. The fact that you didn't take shit from anyone about yourself, your family, your fans....you were such a fierce warrior of preserving dignity without compromising the fact that there is humor in life. I'm gonna miss you snapping at the media who would pick on you for your weight and appearance as a normal human being. How dare you not have the body of 19 year old you at 60? Duh everyone still has their 19-year-old body when they're 60....well that's what the media wants us to think and you just told them to go eff right off. God, I love that.
And your books are just fantastic. Do you know how awesome it was to read your words, not just about growing up Hollywood royalty, but about your dark days in depression and figuring out how to battle being a human in the la la land microscope trying to change ya every which way. About realizing love just wasn't for you and that being Billie's mom is the best thing to happen to you and how you wanted to be healthy for her.
But see, for me and the many mentally ill princes and princesses, you're now not just a twitter mama we can go and check out online, you're the best version of the Princess Leia hologram that captured the world in 1977. Now when I go home tonight and curl up in my PJ's, giving into my avoidance and depression for the night while watching your film and tv anthology, I'll make sure to start talking to you and asking you for assistance through these brutally bumpy depression times.
Help me Princess Carrie, you're my only hope.
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